I’m starting to freak out… I’m getting a crush on someone who isn’t my boyfriend…
I’m starting to freak out… I’m getting a crush on someone who isn’t my boyfriend…
Sometimes I wish I had no friends. I would be a lot less disappointed. I would also be much more lonely. But I wouldn’t be so hurt when they left me out because they wouldn’t be my friends…
I am and always will be a fuck up. A lazy piece of shit that doesn’t contribute anything to society. I mean I always knew this, in the back of my mind, but today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have nothing going for me. Yes I am in school and yes I have a job but today I couldn’t even write my fucking paper. I have never been so ashamed of myself. I am really amounting to nothing and it sucks.
My roommate are on good terms again. I don’t know if we will every be the same but at least it’s good terms. I am trying to be kind to her boyfriend but it gets kinda hard seeing how as I can’t stand the guy. My brother, boyfriend and I were going to go bowling and I thought it would be nice to invite them. So I did. My boyfriend wasn’t to happy about this since he still can’t stand them. Luckily they weren’t able to go since we were leaving then and they hadn’t eaten. I wonder if once my boyfriend and i move in together if we will still see her. I don’t think so.
I want to make amends with my roommate. Not be best friends again because that will never happen but be civil so she doesn’t feel awkward when she comes home. I wanna be on that level where we can at least say hi and bye or talk a little bit but i don’t think that will happen because she and I are both very stubborn. I just feel bad because I may complain I have no friends but she really doesn’t. All our friends chose my side… It because of her boyfriend and I’m not saying they need to break up but we hate him.
I am starting to apply to internships. I am really nervous because what if they do not think I am good enough? The worst they could tell me is know and I am just back where I started so that is a good thing. I really hope to find a great place that I could be really happy!
Last night was a much better night. A friend of mine called me up and asked if I wanted to grab drinks and some food at this place by our house. Words can’t express how happy as I was that she wanted to hang out with me! Before that though my boyfriend knows I have been feeling really down so we went on this cute date down by the beach. We brought food with us, laid out a blanket and just watched as the sun set. It was so romantic and wonderful. Then after I went out with my friend as a girls night where we drank and ate and talked and it felt nice. I really enjoyed myself. Part of me feels she only invited me out because of what I posted about about being sad on my main blog but it doesn’t matter because at least she cared :)
For the third day in a row I got off early. It’s Sunday and just like the rest of this weekend I’m sitting at home in my pajamas probably going to watch netflix and eat raw cookie dough. One of my dear friends and I are in a fight. I am actually really sad about it because lately I’ve been feeling really sad about my friendships. I’ll be honest here…I’m the expendable friend. This whole weekend all my friends were doing something and when I texted them about maybe doing something they were all busy…with each other… and now that I’m upset my best friend Bernie is trying to apologize and say we thought you were busy but its like I texted you this morning telling you I’ll be off early and you didn’t think it would be okay to invite me to your plans… Now were in an argument and its all getting out of hands…
I needed to do this. To create a place where I can write freely about how I feel with no one getting mad or angry or upset. This will all be anonymous and all names will be changed or not given. I’m actually really excited about this.
